Parenting is hard. But when you're navigating the challenges of parenthood while also carrying the weight of past trauma, it can feel overwhelming. As a parent, especially one trying to break the cycles of your own childhood or heal from painful experiences, the self-doubt can creep in. Am I doing this right? Will my child be okay? How do I know I’m making the best decisions?
These questions are common, but for those of us who have endured trauma, they can hit a little deeper. The impact of trauma can strip away the natural trust we should have in ourselves as parents, making it difficult to feel confident in our choices and abilities. I’ve been there, too.
How Trauma Impacts Parenting Confidence
Trauma, whether it's from childhood, relationships, or other life events, can change how we perceive ourselves—especially in the role of parent. We might feel unsure, second-guess our instincts, or struggle with boundaries because we're terrified of making the same mistakes that hurt us. For many of us, trauma can make parenting feel like walking a tightrope, constantly questioning if we’re doing enough or getting it right.
For me, as someone who values giving my child the space and language to express her feelings, I’ve had moments where my confidence faltered. I struggled to set boundaries, unsure if I was being too lenient or too strict. I’ve questioned whether her emotional reactions were a reflection of my parenting. Was I doing enough? Should I be doing more?
But I remind myself: her emotions, especially in the heat of a moment when she's not getting her way, are just that—emotions. They’re fleeting. What matters is that she feels safe enough to express how she feels, whether it’s joy, frustration, or sadness. And that is a reflection of my parenting. Parenting doesn’t come with a blueprint, and learning to release perfection is where true confidence is built.
Parenting Without a Blueprint
There is no single right way to parent. No matter how many books or blogs we read, the truth is that each child, each family, and each parent is different. And that’s okay. Trying to parent differently than what we’ve seen or experienced can be unsettling. It can shake our confidence and make us feel like we’re out on a limb, hoping for the best.
In my journey, I’ve realized that trusting myself means accepting that mistakes will happen. It means understanding that being a “perfect parent” is not the goal. What matters is that I’m present, I’m trying, and I’m learning alongside my child.
Rebuilding Trust in Yourself as a Parent
So, how do we rebuild trust in ourselves when we’ve experienced trauma or when parenting feels like it’s breaking us down? Here are some steps that have helped me, and I hope they help you too:
Acknowledge Your Triggers: Trauma doesn’t disappear just because we’re parents. Be aware of the situations that cause fear, anxiety, or self-doubt, and know that these triggers aren’t failures—they’re invitations to pause and reflect.
Give Yourself Grace: Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. You’re going to have moments where things don’t go as planned, and that’s okay. Give yourself permission to make mistakes.
Set Boundaries Without Guilt: Setting boundaries is essential, both for yourself and your child. It’s okay to say no or to guide your child through difficult emotions. Their temporary frustration or anger doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
Celebrate Small Wins: Every time you do something that breaks a cycle—whether it’s setting a boundary, using different language, or reacting with calm in a situation where you would have exploded before—celebrate that moment. Those small victories add up.
Seek Support When Needed: You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a support group, or therapy, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Affirmations for Trust-Building
As we rebuild our trust in ourselves as parents, positive affirmations can be a powerful tool.
Here are a few that have helped me:
"I am doing the best I can, and that is enough."
"My child’s emotions do not define my worth as a parent."
"I trust myself to make decisions that are best for my family."
"Each day, I become more confident in my parenting abilities."
"I am allowed to set boundaries, and doing so makes me a stronger parent."
How Therapy Can Help
Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, it can feel impossible to move forward on our own. Therapy can be a powerful space to process past traumas, recognize patterns in your parenting, and develop tools to trust yourself again. In therapy, we learn that our fears and doubts don’t have to define us. We can rewrite the stories we tell ourselves and, in doing so, become the parents we want to be.
At Raising Resilience, we specialize in working with parents who are navigating these challenges. We offer a safe, supportive space where you can explore your fears, rebuild your self-confidence, and get the tools you need to thrive as a parent. We’re currently accepting new clients, and we’d love to walk this journey with you.
If you’re ready to take the next step in rebuilding trust in yourself and becoming the parent you want to be, reach out to us today. We’re here to help you heal, grow, and raise resilient children—one step at a time.
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